Fashion Citations

Sorry for skipping my regular post yesterday, but I  swear I have a good excuse. I volunteered (in a moment of insanity) to work an extra shift on what should have been my day off. A 5am shift. UGH. Never again! I wasn’t really capable of writing properly yesterday, so I just sat and watched Sex and the City re-runs instead of being productive.

But on to today’s topic: fashion no-nos!

A few weeks ago I stumbled upon something incredible when I was browsing through our local Chapters. I was stunned, amazed, and immediately had to have it: a little notepad of “fashion citations.” Finally! A solution for when you spot someone who is making a fashion error! Just find their crime on the notepad, check it off, and give them the citation. In essence, it’s like a speeding ticket, but for people who can’t dress! You can see what the tickets look like on the Knock Knock website, and even buy one if you so choose! They also have lots of other cute stationary sets that are just as amusing and useful as the Fashion Citations notepad (I have the In My Humble Opinion journal).

So basically this week, I’m going to go through some of the crimes listed on the Citations list and offer some simple solutions!

Crime: Accessories Abuse

Solution: Learn to control the impulse to over-indulge. Accessories can easily overwhelm an outfit, so keep it simple. Go for a fancy necklace OR earrings, a bling ring OR a bracelet, and choose a belt or hair accessory that is in proper proportions to the outfit.

Crime: Camel Toe

Solution: Seriously. Buy clothes that fit properly. No one wants to see that!

Crime: Excessive Denim

Solution: Unless you’re George Harrison circa Abbey Road, steer clear. The urban cowgirl look is SO Jessica Simpson during the late 1990s.

Crime: Holiday Sweater

Solution: I can’t stand the tacky sweater party trend that pops up during the Xmas season. No one looks good in them. In fact, they all look rather ridiculous. Is it so hard to wear nice sweater? There are plenty of adorable winterwear, so why the obsession with tacky sweaters?

Crime: Ill-Advised Spandex

Solution: You’re not a gymnast or a figure-skater are you? So why would you ever consider wearing spandex in regular life? Spandex blend yes (yay for stretchy jeans), but pure spandex is for athletes during athletic events only!

Crime: Inappropriate Bulge(s)

Solution: This one is for all my male readers! NO BANANA HAMOCKS! You know what I’m talking about gentlemen…

Crime Indecent skin display

Solution: This is the one time when I agree with the guy who said that girls shouldn’t dress like sluts if they don’t want to get raped. It’s not that difficult to cover-up properly, so why are you not wearing half of your clothes? Did you get mugged? No? Then PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!

Crime: Matchy-matchy

Solution: Mix it up! You don’t have to wear the same thing head to toe, so why wouldn’t you switch up the style and pattern. Mixing patterns and styles is what creates texture and interest in your outfit!

Crime: Overly Informal

Solution: For everyday wear, this is fine, but I’m going to harp a bit on people who go out wearing their pjs. I’m not sure who told them all that wearing your sleepwear in public was acceptable, but it definitely isn’t! If it was, wouldn’t we all just sleep in our regular clothes?

Crime: Peekaboo Underpants

Solution: I remember when it was a huge fad in my high school for guys to wear their jeans down around their knees. Sometimes it’s funny (smiley face boxers do create smiles, even if the lookers are laughing AT the wearer), but the majority of the time it’s just tacky and inappropriate. Underwear is meant to go under your clothes, hence the name…

Crime: Sock with Sandals

Solution: I see this literally every day. And every day it makes me cringe. If you want your entire feet covered then wear shoes. Sandals are meant to show off feet, not cover them!

Crime: Trend Victimization

Solution: To me this is the worst fashion crime that you could commit. Just because it’s “in” doesn’t mean that it’s right for you. Different things look good on different body types, so don’t assume that just because it looks good on the store mannequin or in the pages of Vogue that it will look good on you (unless you’re a model obviously, and for that shame on you!). It might also do you good to look outside what you see around you, and find things that you actually like, and not just rely on what everyone else is wearing. I personally make a point of wearing exactly what I want regardless of what the trend forecasters say shall be the style. Sure, I do buy new style things, but only if I like them for my own reasons, not because it’s been pre-ordained by others!